Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What The FETCH

Earlier this week I was staring blankly into the bathroom mirror in an attempt to psych myself up for yet another fun filled day at work when I noticed something. Not the bags under my eyes or that extra 50 pounds sagging from my 30 year old frame, but a bright white beacon of old age sticking proudly out of my top lip. So it was true after all, that flicker of silver that I had noticed in my mustache over the past few weeks really was, a gray hair…Not a happy little blond one that seems to pop up fromtime to time, no no that would be fine, this one just HAD to be gray.

So why the freak out over one little gray hair? well…it’s probably due to what I didn’t notice in the mirror…you know, the 50, hell who am I kidding, more like 70-80 extra pounds. It seems to me that the past 10 years have not been the best to me and I have not been the best to myself. I remember in high school vowing to never let my ass grow to the size it is now…there’s no chance in hell that will ever happen I used to think. Oh how naive of me, refusing to accept that one day I too was going to have to join the real world, where everyone knows it would most likely require the use of an office chair and a computer for at least 6 of the 8 painful hours a day. For those of you out there that don’t understand let me clarify, an office chair equals at least 40 pounds added to your ass as soon as it touches it for the first time. Throwing a computer in front of it adds another 40. So lets say that I’ve been glued to an office chair and computer for 7 out of the last 10 years, just imagine the enormity that it has grown into. It has been growing and growing until it has reached the Jupiterisch size it is today. And I say Jupiterisch to better grasp the sheer size and weight that it is. So there you go world…I’m a fatty, a big ole stereotypical American fatty.

But you see this is where that gray hair comes into play. That one little gray hair has helped me to notice those things that I have been over looking for the past 10 years. Things like my weight and image, my lack of energy and just how lazy I’ve become. That gray hair has helped to spur me into action, to let me know that hey pal, you’re 30 now…not the end of the world, but the way that you are heading it very well could be, perhaps it’s time to do something about that extra tonnage. So here I am, the first week of a new beginning. And man o man let me tell you how it sucks. I am not a fan of healthy items, I never was, so how it was possible to stay in shape throughout my high school years is news to me. But I’m still here, bound and determined that this is the time and this is the place that my ass will no longer cling to the office chair and I will return to a healthy weight.
You know it’s funny…it’s not the deformity in one of my heart valves that plagues me from time to time that has spurred this motivation, it was a pointless gray hair.

No comments:

Post a Comment