Friday, March 28, 2008

Ahhhh St. George Pt II

So I don’t know what it is but I seem to have developed the ability to calm those around me into a sense of relaxed euphoria. I say this because it has become evident that anytime I am in public, the older generation that populates this fair city just can’t help themselves and have to fart in my general direction. 

Take today for example. I’m walking into one of the local giant home stores (you know the one that never has what you need and there’s never anyone capable of giving you a strait or knowledgeable answer and their obsession with orange is just too over the top…you know the store I mean), so as I’m attempting to shimmy my way past an older gentleman he curtly salutes me with a loud and obnoxious fart.

Common people…do you honestly believe that you’re fooling anyone? Are you really that old that you’ve lost all control of your bodily functions? Every time I experience these phenomena in town, it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s uncle gets caught shop lifting and all he can say is “I’m oooold“. All I know is that age is no excuse for being inconsiderate or rude.
So the cap to the latest experience was that as I was passing this sweet old man I looked over at the cashier who promptly gave me a disapproving scowl. I now know the old guy did it in an attempt to point his stinky old finger at me as the source…because a nice old guy like him would never do something like that in public. So I politely nodded to her and smiled back while thinking to myself…but I’m Ooooooold and everything was right with the world again.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

You try it

Ok, so I’m a lazy bastard who hasn’t updated this site in more than a few weeks now, but gimme a break people I’m not Mr. Wizard. I am however attempting to get my life a little more organized and put together so that when Wife finally gets to join me here in soutehrn Utah I’m not a complete basket case and actually know whether I’m coming or going.

So one of the things that I’ve added to my oh so long listing of daily crap I have to do (other than be a good employee)…(and walk the dogs)….(and go to the gym)…(and about 100 different things a day) is to update this site at least 4 times a week. I know it’s a long shot but I figured what the hell, what else do I have to do that is this important? Not much…I know!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Ahhhh St. George

So for the one or two readers that I have I’m sure you’ve figured out that I’ve moved to St. George ahead of Wife. And in an attempt to keep my great job happy and thus the decent wage for St. George rolling in I don’t get to head back home as much as I would like. As such I decided that it was time to begin the full transition from the Salt Lake City area and attempt to use the services provided locally (and no by services I don’t mean that crack whore transvestite from 2nd south…you know the one I’m talking about).

One of those services actually turned out to be taking my Tundra into the local Toyota dealer for it’s regular maintenance…and yes I’m aware of how to do it on my own, but hey it’s still under warranty and I really didn’t feel doing it so get off my back…so as I’m sitting there in their oh so comfy waiting room this nice old lady comes in, smiles and sits down. I go back to watching the TV and blankly staring around the room when I hear a loud rrrrrrrrruuuuuuuump. I casually peek over at the little old lady not really believing the sound that I just heard and chalk it up to the fact that it’s warm in here and that we’re sitting in leather couches and that they some times make noises that are less desirable in public, than that of at home on your own couch. So I return to my staring at the wall when I happen to catch out of the corner of my eye this perfect little old Mormon grandmother, in her perfect little pressed blouse and slacks and her perfectly curled hair, lean over and bless the couch she’s sitting in with another loud rrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuump. OH MY EFFING GOD did I really just see this prim and proper old lady cut one? I couldn’t believe it…

So quell my grin and go about my mindless wait thanking the almighty himself that I had chosen the one spot in the waiting room that was down wind, as I had the oscelating fan behind me and those poor bastards at the parts counter did not. Ahhhhh St. George…