So I don’t know what it is but I seem to have developed the ability to calm those around me into a sense of relaxed euphoria. I say this because it has become evident that anytime I am in public, the older generation that populates this fair city just can’t help themselves and have to fart in my general direction.
Take today for example. I’m walking into one of the local giant home stores (you know the one that never has what you need and there’s never anyone capable of giving you a strait or knowledgeable answer and their obsession with orange is just too over the top…you know the store I mean), so as I’m attempting to shimmy my way past an older gentleman he curtly salutes me with a loud and obnoxious fart.
Common people…do you honestly believe that you’re fooling anyone? Are you really that old that you’ve lost all control of your bodily functions? Every time I experience these phenomena in town, it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s uncle gets caught shop lifting and all he can say is “I’m oooold“. All I know is that age is no excuse for being inconsiderate or rude.
So the cap to the latest experience was that as I was passing this sweet old man I looked over at the cashier who promptly gave me a disapproving scowl. I now know the old guy did it in an attempt to point his stinky old finger at me as the source…because a nice old guy like him would never do something like that in public. So I politely nodded to her and smiled back while thinking to myself…but I’m Ooooooold and everything was right with the world again.
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